The birth story is one that I will tell another time, maybe after I get some pain meds or my perineum finally heals. Right now I am feeling frustrated and sad. I expected to give birth, feel great, maybe have a tear or swelling, and be well on my way to normalcy by 2 weeks. As we all know, this is not the case. I am worse today than I was on day 5. I did some damage to my stitches and pulled some muscles in the region... but I cannot understand this level of pain at 2 weeks postpartum. I cannot walk, or stand for more than 5 minutes, the pain is just too much. And I am not a sissy! I managed to push out my 8lb 3oz baby with nothing but Jesus and thoughts of doing karate in my head!
To make matters much worse I have spent the last 2 weeks either separated from my daughters, because I was too sore to care for them or separated from my husband who was away for constable training and later dreadfully ill with some throat infection from hell.
My son is wonderful, he sleeps, he nurses better than I could have hoped. He's fast, 20 minutes and we're done, and then hes just happy. Happy to look around, be held, sit in a seat, just happy. I think he actually smiled today. Not a gas bubble-weird face smile, an actual smile. Papi was playing with him and he smiled twice. :) And so I'm glad that I have this wonderful boy, and a mom who is doing so much to help but I just want to feel better and get back to life! This is not what I expected!
End of whiny rant.
it's not a whiny rant. I love you so much! You did an amazing job giving birth to your son exactly the way God planned! It's hard feeling like you are letting your children down. God knows your heart, and sees your pain. Your daughters will never remember this moment in their lives...they will only know they have an awesome little brother and a Mother who never stopped loving them. That's part of the reason this is so hard for you...your love for your daughters as well! Let God use this time in your life to show you how amazing things around you really are! He created this entire world and EVERYONE in it. Sit back and let God take care of you the way HE wants. You may even learn something ;) I love you, and we are praying for you.
ReplyDeleteon a side note...michael is home with Pico, right? I have been meaning to ask about the doggie for days...hehe
Thank you Tammy!! I just read that aloud to my mom, she and I cried. lol. I also just simultaneously posted a comment on your blog. Pico is w the hubby. My MIL is retrieving the dog and husband tomorrow to come and be with me in my "summer home" lol. Thank you for making me smile and again putting things in perspective.
ReplyDeleteJen,
ReplyDeleteIt took me FORever to heal from Preston. Even after 2 weeks, I couldn't sit at the dinner table, and continued to sit idle on the couch on bed pillows while Alan (who was still ill) ran around trying to keep up. It is hard. But God knows just where you are at. And the healing will come, enjoy that baby boy. The girls will be fine, Preston has taught my girls a lot about the fact that while mommy loves them more than life itself, the universe does not revolve around them. It is a good lesson for them. And for us, as mommies:). Take care of yourself, praise God for the provision of those around you for help. It really does take a village, doesn't it?
Wow, and Preston was your third. I thought babies just fell out after the first one, haha. I am changing my heart to praise God for his provision, for my mother who is doing everything to care for me and for my son who is so good. Thanks for your encouraging words. I need all the encouragement I can get.
ReplyDelete